TWO CHOICES
By Henri Nouwen
“Judas and Peter present me with the choice between running away from Jesus in despair and returning to him in hope. Judas betrayed Jesus and hanged himself. Peter denied Jesus and returned to him in tears. Sometimes despair seems an attractive choice. It solves everything in the negative. The voice of despair says, I sin over and over again. After endless promises to myself and others to do better next time, I find myself back again in the old dark places. I thought that after so many years of lie I would be a better person, but here I am again, still going through the same old struggles. I am disgusted with myself and can not believe that anyone really loves me, really care for me, really wants me around. I am a misfit; I am hopeless. Why should I return to Jesus? He is fed up with me. He can not stand me any longer after so much unfaithfulness. I am a sinner. I am lost. Forget about trying to change! I have tried for years. It didn’t work and it will never work. It is better I get out of people’s way, be forgotten, no longer around.
This strangely seductive voice takes all uncertainties away and puts an end to the struggle. It speaks unambiguously for the darkness and offers a clear-cut negative identity. If I accept its premise, I at least know who I am; a hopeless sinner. This voice is the voice of Satan, but although I know that, much of me continues to pay attention to it.
But Jesus opens my ears to another voice. It is the voice that says; I am your God. I have molded you with my own hands, and I love what I have made. I love you with a love that has no limits because I love you as I love myself. Don’t run away from me. Come back to me-not once, not twice but always and always. You are my child. How can you ever doubt that I will embrace you again? I am your God-the God of mercy and compassion, the God of pardon and love, the God of tenderness and care. Please do not say that I have given up on you, that I can not stand you anymore, that there is no way back. It is not true. I so much want you to be with me. I want you to be close to me. I know all your thoughts. I hear all your words. I see all of your actions. AND I love you. Do not judge yourself. Do not condemn yourself. Do not reject yourself. Let my love touch the deepest, most hidden corners of your heart and reveal to you your own beauty, a beauty that you have lost sight of, but which will become visible to you again in the light of my mercy.
This is the voice that Jesus wants us to hear. It is the voice that calls us always to return to the One who has created us in love and wants to recreate us in mercy. Peter heard that voice and trusted it. As he let that voice touch his heart, tears came-tears of sorrow and tears of joy, tears of remorse and tears of peace, tears of repentance and tears of gratitude.
It is not easy to let the voice of God’s mercy speak to us, because it is a voice asking for an always open relationship, one in which sins are acknowledged, forgiveness received, and love renewed. It does not offer us a solution, but a friendship. It does not take away our problems, but promises not to avoid them. It does not tell us where it all will end, but assures us that we ill never be alone…O Lord, my Lord, help me listen to your voice and choose your mercy.
“Jesus’s resurrection is the beginning of God’s new project not to snatch people away from earth to heaven but to colonize earth with the life of heaven. That, after all, is what the Lord’s Prayer is about.”
We will get through this trial. One day the coronavirus crisis will be a part of our history. Soon enough we will marvel at all that God did in the midst of this trouble as we look at it from the other side.
May the spirit of the Lord fill your home this Easter and all the rest of your days.
Joy and Peace in Abundance,
Cameron